When the baby doesn't sleep

When the baby doesn't sleep
I cuss and slam the doors
I cry, "I am the Babe
Destroyer of Sleep
Ruiner of ambition
Bringer of despair!"

I scream and throw things
He screams too
We scream at each other

And then I stomp away
To the closet where I keep the sheets
I fling open the doors
Grabbing at the stack of towels
The old ones Grandma gave me to clean baby messes
(because, when you're young, all your towels are new)
I bury my face into the threadbare terrycloth
and sob and scream, chest heaving
and I smell my grandmother

And she is here, with her baby
Crying tears that burn
And her baby is here too, with her baby
In the middle of the night
And we're all screaming together
Banging our fists against the wooden slats
The baby, the mother, the grandmother, the great-grandmother
And I am not alone

I go back to my baby
Draw him from the crib
And wrap him in the crocheted afghan
That my mother used to wrap me in

We rock and rock and rock
as he sobs, tiny chest heaving
and I whisper,
"It's ok, I'm here."

Changing the world

When I was young, I set out to change the world. When I grew older, I perceived that this was too ambitious, so I set out to change my state. This too, I realized as I grew older was too ambitious, so I set out to change my town. When I realized I could not even do this, I tried to change my family. Now, as an old man, I know that I should have started by changing myself. If I had started with myself, maybe then I would have succeeded in changing my family, the town, or even the state - and who knows, maybe even the world! 

- Unknown Rabbi

I don't know where this quote comes from. (Maybe I should ask a librarian!) I heard it in a sermon last week. But it has been true to my experience, at least recently. God does a lot of fantastic miracles, but one of the most incredible is the healing and sanctifying of his children's souls. I think sometimes the world (and the Enemy) can distract us from this holy work by confronting us with "larger, more important" problems to worry and pray about: war, famine, elections, sickness. We certainly should think and pray about such things. But so many times when I bring these things to God, He responds by bringing to light the dark hidden places within myself that He wants to right. Perhaps healing a broken world starts by healing broken people.

A Dream Deferred

A Dream Deferred

Langston Hughes

What happens to a dream deferred?

Does it dry up 

like a raisin in the sun? 

Or fester like a sore-- 

And then run? 

Does it stink like rotten meat? 

Or crust and sugar over-- 

like a syrupy sweet?

Maybe it just sags 

like a heavy load.

Or does it explode?