One-minute review: The Dark Vineyard

 

The Dark Vineyard: Martin Walker (2010)

My reading tastes are pretty eclectic, but I don't usually grab the standard adult mystery fare. Almost two years ago, Walker's first Bruno detective novel, Bruno, Chief of Police, caught my eye:

Bruno's the police chief of a small town in the French countryside. And he fights crime. When crimes actually happen...that is, rarely. Even then, he investigates trouble by speaking to people in the town as friends and neighbors, sort of like a French Andy Griffith.

Bruno's investigation style and pragmatic sense of justice slightly clashes with the feds if a serious crime happens to occur in the little town of St Denis, as it does in The Dark Vineyard. Bruno responds to a field fire at an agricultural research station on the edge of town, and it looks suspiciously like arson. Soon after, an American wine-making conglomeration shows up in St Denis and wants to make a large land deal. Then one of the prime suspects in the arson dies suspiciously, and Bruno has a mess to unravel. Throw in lots of good wine, a little romance (not too much) and some muted, chin-stroking humor, and you've got a quaint mystery novel. 

But the real reason to read this novel is the food. You'll have to put down the book several times for a snack after reading about delicious artisan cheeses and Bruno's truffle omelets. And you might suddenly look down at the grocery store to find your cart laden with French wine, baguettes, and goat cheese. Consider yourself warned.

Some trust in chariots

Saturday my car window got stuck in the down position. And the steering column (I think) has been making a strange popping noise when we turn the wheel. So this morning I used the truck to drop off Jon at work at 7(!), then stopped for breakfast at Gaileys. The truck's defrost fans are malfunctioning, so the driver has to wipe the fog off the inside of the windshield with a rag every few minutes to be able to see.* But it gets us there. Except this morning when I got out of Gailey's, and it didn't.

I sent out a frantic mass text, but soon realized that everyone who had to be awake at 8am probably was for a reason - and that reason was not jumping my car. Especially since...well, if you haven't noticed, it's been kind of rainy.

That's Ozark, MO, folks. Courtesy of KY3.

So I caught the bus to my meeting and made arrangements to meet two very, very special people that afternoon at the truck. After I finished work I took the bus back downtown, and we pushed the car to an alley (it was in a parallel parking spot with someone in front, so we couldn't maneuver the car to a jumping position). By the way, I owe these people dinner...and maybe breakfast, too.

After about 20 minutes of trying to get it to start, I called a tow. Then I tried to put it in neutral to move it closer to the curb, and it started! All I had to do was release the emergency brake. I reached down for the handle...and found nothing. More frantic phone calls ensued (this time to my dad, who sold me the truck), and after getting on my knees on the road, in two inches of rushing water, with three cars waiting behind me, peering up under the dash, I finally found the metal rod where the handle had once been.

I was already late for class and soaking wet, so after I picked Jon up from work, I just stayed at home, in spite of my night class. Oh, and we picked up a bottle of wine on the way. It was on sale.

I checked my horoscope for today and it says I will need to change my routine. No flipping joke.

On a serious note, I think for the last few months, God's been telling me to have hope. And a lot of really horrible things have happened in the last few months. God says, "Have hope," and so I keep hoping things won't happen, and then they do. But I don't think I'm supposed to have hope that things will get better. I think I'm supposed to have hope that in the end, eventually, God wins. And that's enough. When I'm knee deep in two inches of water, I can hope that I find the brake release, but just because God tells me, "Have hope," doesn't mean I can blame him when I can't find it. It just means I can continue to hope that things will eventually all be put to rights, and in the meantime, praise God I have friends who will push cars in the rain for me, that the truck actually started (eventually), and that when the woman who previously held my position at the library left, she also left her umbrella in the desk, and hasn't been back to claim it in six months.

So that's my nice little life today - grateful in the little things, enduring through the frustrating things, and badass in the tough things. Two inches of water. In my work pants and dress shoes.

Love, Katie

*Yes, this is dangerous, and we're getting it fixed ASAP. All this happened this weekend, ok? I promise.

If I'd-a known you was comin'

Happy Easter, everyone! To celebrate, Jon and I visited family - but that didn't stop me from cooking! For me, holidays are all about the food (ok, seeing family is fantastic too). So for Easter dinner I brought all the sides - layered salad, German potato salad, strawberry pie, and...

Coconut cake! This is not *my* coconut cake - a mishap has rendered my photos temporarily (perhaps permanently) inaccessible. *le sigh*

I've been wanting to bake a coconut cake for a while. There's a recipe in my Best Recipe cookbook, and Harry and Sally (of When Harry Met Sally) had one at their wedding. But it's hard to eat a whole cake by oneself. Enter: relatives.

But while I'm proud of the way the cake turned out (the pie was good too, but didn't have enough sugar in the filling) I consider my crowning achievement the carrying apparatus. I know that people have Tupperware cake containers for traveling with a layer cake - but I don't! And one of those would take up so much room in my small kitchen, and I'd only use it a few times a year. So I had to improvise. I used our wooden Chinese Checkers board, covered in foil, as a cake board. I topped it with a basket of the perfect size. I tied some string around the whole thing and presto! Carrying device.

Here's the recipe, adapted from America's Test Kitchen's The New Best Recipe:

Coconut Layer Cake

Ingredients:

• 1 egg
• 5 egg whites
• 1 can cream of coconut, divided (In the grocery store, this is near the alcohol - it's used most commonly in piña coladas.)
• 1 tsp vanilla
• 2 1/4 cups flour, sifted
• 1 cup sugar
• 1 tbsp baking powder
• 3/4 tsp salt 
• 1 1/2 sticks of butter, softened, but cool (not melted), and cut into pieces
  
• 1 container whipped vanilla frosting (I used Duncan Hines, because it was the cheapest.)
• 4 cups sweetened coconut 

Preheat the oven to 325 degrees and grease two round cake pans.
In a small bowl or liquid measuring cup, beat the egg and egg whites with a fork until combined. Add 3/4 cup cream of coconut and vanilla and beat vigorously until combined. In a large bowl (if you have a standup mixer, this is an excellent bowl to use!) combine the flour, sugar, baking powder, and salt (again - mixer, use a paddle attachment). Add the butter, piece by piece, and stir until the mixture is crumbly, and the lumps of butter are smaller than peas. Slowly add the egg mixture, stirring constantly, until batter is combined. It will be thick and sticky. Divide between the two pans. Bake for 20 minutes, then turn the pans around (so the side that was in the back of the oven is now in front) and bake for another 10 minutes. Remove the cakes from the pans and cool on wire racks. Don't turn the oven off! Spread the coconut on a baking sheet and toast in the oven for 15 minutes, stirring about 3 times during cooking.

Frosting: The regular recipe tells you to make your own egg white/buttercream/coconut icing. I had a lot on my plate today, so I combined the vanilla frosting with 1/4 cup of the cream of coconut, and used that to frost the cake. To finish it off, lightly press handfuls of the toasted coconut onto the top and sides of the cake until it's fully covered. Voila!

Tangled: A Review

I waited to post my thoughts on Tangled, the 50th animated feature in Disney's canon, until I thought most people had seen it, who want to. Spoilers abound, so read at your own risk.

All in all, I really enjoyed the movie. Jon and I went to the Palace and saw it, and didn't regret the six bucks. It was funny and cute in all the typical Disney ways. And beautiful - the animation was excellent. I wanted to say that upfront so that the rest of this post doesn't sound so harsh. Because when I say it was typical Disney...

Well, let's just review the plot, shall we?

So we start with a sick queen, who's about to have a baby. The king and his people search the whole kingdom for a magical golden flower that can cure her. But that magical flower is being hidden by a woman who uses its power to keep her youth. The people find it, pick it, and use it to make a broth that the queen drinks.* So the queen gives birth to a daughter with golden hair. The evil woman, obsessed with youth and beauty, thinks nothing of harming a little girl.

So the woman steals the baby girl away and names her Rapunzel. Rapunzel lives a relatively happy life, hidden in the forest away from her family for sixteen years.

But Rapunzel wearies of her secluded life, and wants to visit the outside world. She sings at the top of her tall tower,while she twirls around in circles, brushing her long golden hair. Oh, and she has an animal friend, too.

Meanwhile, rogueish, dashingly handsome boy is...being dashing and handsome. And running from the authorities. Because, you know, girls want bad boys. But not too bad.

Pretty squeaky-clean for a bad boy, isn't he? Yes, I know, he's not really Disney. Moving on...

Rapunzel's "mother" warns her that the world is a cruel, cruel, wicked place, and that she should never leave her tower.

But she really, really, really wants to go to the festival...er, to see the floating lights that appear every year on her sixteenth birthday. Mum says no. Luckily, the gorgeous boy happens to stumble upon her secluded hideout. After...coercion (and a lot of frying pans to the head ala Princess Peach) he agrees to take her to the lights, part of a festival the town holds every year for the missing princess.

On the way, there's a singing bar scene.

Rogue-boy gets hurt, and Rapunzel heals him with her magic hair-powers, singing to him while bathed in golden light.

So they get to the festival and have a nice time. During a song, they almost share a kiss on a boat in a lake, surrounded by lots of floating lights, but are interrupted by the big bad's twin minions.

Yup. Not making this up. Fast forwarding: There's some perceived betrayal, and Rapunzel goes back home to Mama, and Rogue-boy gets arrested. Cue hilarious jail break!

So, one dramatic rescue sequence, a falling villain death, a near-death prince, and a miraculous recovery later, Rapunzel gets reunited with her long-lost family. Everyone lives happily ever after.

Oh come on. PICK YOUR MOVIE.

Now, let me reiterate - I'm not complaining. I love me some good, old-fashioned Disney tropes. Especially for a 50th film (which is such a nice round number), it makes sense to make something formulaic, comfortable, and good. And a lot of Disney films have similarities in plot, character, and structure. But watching this movie felt a little bit too comfortable, like I'd seen it all before. Which of course, I have.

Tangled brought in almost $200 million at the box office, almost twice as much as last winter's Princess and the Frog. Now, I might be alone in liking The Princess and the Frog (I did like Hunchback of Notre Dame, after all, so that ruins some credibility), but I found that plot really original, and the songs unforgettable (I remember the flower song from Rapunzel, but that's it). Plus, it had a really strong, ambitious female protagonist, whose goal is to own her own business. Sure, Rapunzel's no wilting flower, but she has much more in common with Sleeping Beauty than Tiana. I do think Tangled appeals a bit more to younger viewers more than Princess - the colors are brighter (and there's more pink and purple, for those three year old girls), the story is simpler, and most importantly, the movie is shorter.

So if you haven't seen it, see it. It's good. But know what to expect - a short and sweet fairy tale that hearkens to the golden ages of Disney.

Love, Katie


*At this point, Jon pointed out that this movie could have had a lot to say about sustainability. There's this amazing magical flower that has the power to heal anyone forever if we can figure out how it works. Let's destroy it in order to save the queen. Sadly for us environmental hippie types, that question wasn't raised within the movie. Ah, well.

Wouldn't you like to be a pepper too?

I have absolutely no motivation to do my homework. Only one final project and an exam to go, and then I'd be done for the forseeable future. But when given the choice between long-term and short-term satisfaction, I suppose procrastinating by watching Kitchen Nightmares* and Nostalgia Chick and reading lots of TVTropes seems better than writing a "Reference Pathfinder" or some such nonsense. Especially when I'm sick in bed, my motivation to work ahead is practically nil. ("Ahead" here is relative - I should have started this project months ago.)

So after gluing my eyes to my laptop screen all day, I've become aware of what I have in common with a quirky, deadly-turned-adorkable robot:

INPUT! MORE INPUT!

So in case you're like Johnny 5 and me, here are just five sites I subscribe to or visit for a quick laugh. (We'll talk about the merits of Google Reader another day, yes?)

• Cakewrecks: Unless you've been living under a rock, you've probably seen this cake blogger who posts the most horrible cakes you can imagine...and some gorgeous ones on Sundays. This Sunday's Sweets are all literary - perfect for that librarian in your life.
• Not Invented Here: This webcomic about computer software developers has enough relevance to most workplaces to be funny, even if you don't know computers. The geek humor, though, adds a delightful bonus.
• Engrish Funny: On some days, my favorite section of the Failblog/Cheezburger conglomerate.
• Unhappy Hipsters: Pairs photos of modern architecture and design with darkly funny captions.
• Cute Overload: Squeeeeeee!

Any favorites of yours you'd like to share? Leave me a comment - and bonus points if you get what the title of this post references. Here's wishing you and yours a very merry interneting!

Love, Katie

*Not my first choice of Hulu selections, btw - but I'm all caught up on Fringe, Bones, and Castle. What's a girl to do? I do take suggestions...

Swollen importance

I'd like to divulge a secret to you. I'm normally not a secret-keeping girl, so I have to come clean. This revelation might come as a shock; it does to nearly every doctor I encounter. Every time doctors find out, they react with some degree of shock.

I have hideously, abnormally large tonsils.

Now, many people with enlarged tonsils have them (and their adenoids) out when they're kids. For a few different reasons, I didn't. And every time doctors ask me to say "ahhhh," they follow the tongue depressor placement with a, "Wow!" or a, "Goodness me!" or my personal favorite, the low whistle.

"Yup, they're huge, right?" (I've come a long way since my first few adult doctor's visits, when I thought a doctor's shock at the inside of my mouth meant something really serious, like there were grasshopper eggs or cave paintings in there.)

"You didn't have those out when you were a kid?"

"Nope."

Now, as I related this recurring scene to a friend, she asked me where the tonsils were inside the mouth.

Except that mine are generally about four times that size. Six, if I'm sick or in the middle of allergy season. I'll spare you the pictures, because that gets gross. But when I showed my friend, she had a similar reaction: *gasp* "Yours are huge!"

When I asked Jonny if he knew where tonsils were, he asked if a tonsil was that hangy-down thing in the back of one's throat. You know, the uvula.
 

Oh well...I guess I can forgive him, since not everyone has been plagued with tonsil problems since birth, and is therefore not as acquainted with the back of their throats.

But when I was in middle school, my father brought home something from the pharmacy that changed my life forever. Aspergum. A gum, with Aspirin in it. While you chewed a piece, the Aspirin coated the tonsils and made the pain STOP. I mean, sure, the strep throat/sinus drainage/tonsilitis was still there, but at least it made my tonsils feel normal-sized again...even if only because they were numbed, not actually smaller.

Whatever happened to Aspergum? Discontinued in 2006, apparently due to slumping sales and a worry that kids would chew it, thinking it was just regular gum. In medication-like foil/plastic packaging. There are gums that come like this, I know - like Eclipse. Seriously, though - you didn't chew this gum for the taste.

But when I'm sick in bed like today, and I've had three bowls of soup and four cups of tea and I've blown through (*snicker snicker*) two handkerchiefs and half a box of Kleenex, there's nothing I want more than a piece of candy-coated, Orange Tang-flavored gum to make my tonsils feel like a normal human's.

So when you get that time machine working and you go back in time, pick up a package for me while you're there. I'll reimburse you. Oh, and the cherry flavor is my favorite.

Love, Katie

First Post

I've put off writing this First Post for a while. There's a lot riding on a blog's First Post. If you're here with me from the beginning, then the First Post is supposed to be so thrilling that you can't help but subscribe. If you find this blog years down the road and become a devoted follower, eventually you might decide that you have to start from the beginning, and see how it all began. (But maybe I'm the only one who does this.)

So the optimal First Post should be hopelessly exciting and witty, while giving some impression of what I'll be writing about.

This might explain why I've had this blogger name reserved since September, and I'm writing the First Post in April. Yup.

Well, I won't always be able to promise witty, but at least I can tell you what I'll probably write about. I like to cook, so you'll likely see some recipes. I work in a library and like to read (and judge) so you'll likely see some book reviews. (I read many, many genres, including kids lit.) I'm a bit of a frugalista, so you might learn some things that save you some money. I also like to splurge, especially on food and home stuff, so you might learn some things that might cost you money. I like cats...

Crap. Losing the male readership. Uh... I like to play games (board, video, rpg), so I might write about that. I like funny internet things; though I'm rarely the first to find them, I have a wide variety of sources, so I can usually assume that at least some of my friends haven't seen my new hilarious thing. And I'll write about many things that generally interest me that have nothing to do with decorating, shoes, or cupcakes. (Whew!)

Hm. Maybe it would be better to tell you what I won't write about. Politics. Sports. Fashion. Abstract Philosophical Concepts. Most of the time, anyway.

So there you go - perhaps not the most auspicious First Post, but a First Post nonetheless. If you like me, you'll probably like my blog. If you don't like me...haters. Sheesh.

Love, Katie